Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
