My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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