shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
