So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
