you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
