Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
