A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
why is half of my head shaved?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
