ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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