God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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