Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
