oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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