Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
