Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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