this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
