she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
