mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize
