Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
