When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I don't deserve a penis
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
