Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
