Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
