i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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