I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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