You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Is Oprah even human
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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