sarcasm needs its own font
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
