not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
