As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
