Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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