There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
