I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
