Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize