I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
