the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
