You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Randomize
