And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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