oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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