Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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