i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
