"it" just moved
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
