Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
