last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
