Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
