i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
