i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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