It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
