ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So vagazzling was a success
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
