Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I don't deserve a penis
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
