I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
