I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
