Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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