I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
