Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
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