i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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