i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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