so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
