hotel room ftw
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
