U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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