i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
