ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
