dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
