and i looked up. we had an audience...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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