We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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