Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
