I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
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