i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
