Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Randomize
