Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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