whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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